I've Never Talked About This Before

Hey guys, I hope you're having a beautiful day. Um, I wanted to share something with you and, uh, tell you a quick story. And in that story, actually, is a story that I don't think I've ever told anyone, uh, especially not on social media. Um, yeah, I'm pretty confident I've never told anyone this story, and there's a reason.

The reason is because I put it away, uh, to forget about it, I think. Um, which is interesting, and there's a lesson in it, so. Uh, earlier today, I took the dogs for a really long walk, right? And where I took them is, like, it's about, I would say, about a mile long, and it's just like this trail all the way down, all the way, and it does this big loop.

And when we got back, when we got back, and this isn't going to sound like a big deal, and that's the point, when we got back, so we get to here, and then we get to the gate, and Rosa Rosa, instead of coming into the gate with the entire pack and I, she just goes as fast as she can and runs all the way down to the lake because now she loves to swim and she was probably a little hot.

So she runs into the lake and I left and I still went inside the gate because there's another gate here, okay? Another gate right here and all the dogs followed me to here and I'm now here looking at Rosa. I'm calling her to come back in, watching her swim. So she's swimming, I'm calling Rosa. I'm here with all the dogs, and here, we're all here, right?

And uh, she's walking towards me, and all of a sudden she disappears. That's not very far, and she disappears, and I'm like, oh my gosh, she, she went back in the lake. So I'm calling her, Rosa, Rosa, and uh, I don't see her. And like, I start not to feel good. Like, I feel all this tension in my chest and this, this, uh, really bad anxiety.

And I'm like, I'm, I'm like, what's wrong, what's wrong with you, man? You, she's right, you know, she has to be right there. She's probably playing in the grass. And I'm like, yeah, but what if she's not? What if something took her? And it's like, you know, I, I'm start thinking like, it's a little bit crazy thinking the way I'm thinking.

Um, and of course, 10 seconds, it was just a long 10 seconds. Lily, I'm over here. It's just a long 10 seconds. She pops up and as I said, you know, she just went for another swim, but this anxiety was really bad. And it was, there was a lot of tension and I had a lot to do today and this happened in the beginning of the day.

So the first couple hours of my day, you know, when you snap out of that, you know, you're Panic. It's not like immediate, you know, you feel better, but it's, it's, the anxiety comes right away. But the problem is that that all that tension, it's all that stress that builds up in your body. It doesn't go away right away.

It's, it's, it's, it takes some time and, and you know, you're, you start to feel better, you fit and eventually it's gone, but it takes some time. So I'm like, this, this isn't right. And this happens too often, too often. If like, I can't find a dog for a second, I think the worst, and I get this terrible anxiety, even though I know it's fine.

I'm, I'm not even 50 yards away. And then it hit me. And this, what happened with Rosa's day reminded me of this. And I've never talked about it. And it's one of those things that may be as a man, you know, you know, I, I dug it somewhere and because I was so young, I, I maybe never talked about it. You know, I never dealt with it for sure, but when I was 10 years old When I was 10 years old and I don't think I've thought of this since being 10 years old so we're talking 24 years ago Yeah, I When I was 10 years old I When I would play at the neighbor's house or outside and I would play in the street Usually I was playing basketball so Um, when I would come home, I had, because I was allergic to dogs at the time, we had a Bichon and we got it at the shelter.

If you've never heard the story, but I basically, you know, spent a lot of my time growing up in an animal shelter and our first dog was there and his name was Tarzan. And uh, we were best friends, like truly, truly best friends. And if you don't know this about me, I was bullied really, really bad growing up, um, all the way up until high school was really bad.

And Um, Tarzan was, was really, uh, one of the first dogs that I had such a strong bond with. He was such an incredible, fun, amazing dog. Bichons, in my opinion, are just amazing. They're hilarious. So what used to happen was, like, he had a doggie door so he'd access to outside. And a lot of times when I would come home, he would be outside and we had, uh, we had a lot of windows.

So I'm at, I would come to the front door, which was a window, like the front, the door was an actual window. So you could see through the house and through the backyard. So Tarzan would sometimes be in the backyard and we would see each other and he would get excited and he would run around the house outside and I would wait at my front door and greet him and he would jump on me and it was just awesome, right?

He would just run around. And, uh, one day, one day I was playing with it. I was playing with friends and I was outside in the neighborhood or whatever. Once again, I didn't really have any friends in the neighborhood, so I don't know why I'm adding that to the story. It's unnecessary. Uh, I was literally just playing basketball.

I remember this like it was yesterday. I was playing basketball by myself and I, I go to the front door and there's Tarzan and I, he's on the other side of the house. He's in the backyard and he's looking at me. And he runs to the, runs around the house and. I'm all excited and I'm waiting for him with my basketball and he never came.

It's one of the strangest things. There's, I have no explanation. I didn't have one then he ran around and he never came and it was, you know, it would take five seconds, like five seconds to run. It made no sense. And I was, I waited for him and I went to look for him and, uh, I never saw him again. I never, I never saw him again, man.

We, uh, we put out flyers, you know, at the time there wasn't really, uh, there wasn't Craigslist or like a lost and found, you know, we put out flyers. I went door to door to neighbors. I remember one neighbor was so mean to me. He's like, you should have had him on a leash. And I was like, he was, he was in our yard, you know, he was, he was, he was in our own yard.

And, uh, Yeah, man, it, it, it, it, it was awful. You know, I never got an answer. I, I don't, I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened to him. It made no sense. It was too fast, you know, it, it, it happened so fast. I saw him and like nothing was different. He got excited. He did his little like zoomie dance and, and ran to see me, and I just waited and I, I never saw him again.

It, it really. It really hurt my feelings. That was really an awful experience. And, uh, um, I I'm, I'm so, it's fascinating to me. I was really actually excited to share this with you, but I was so fascinated to think about that story because I really can't explain the feeling that I get when I, I don't know where one of my dogs are for just a couple seconds.

You know, it only takes. A couple seconds. And when I'm with friends or family or anyone, they're like, Oh, like they're right there. Like, I'm sure they're right there, but I'm not, I'm not okay. You know? And now I realize where that comes from. It's, it's not just my love for them, but it's that I never dealt with it.

So, but I'd like you to take away from this. I'm not looking for like, you know, a sympathy or anything like that. Again, it happened when I was 10 years old. And of course, you know, it was a long time ago. But, you know, if I didn't take a minute to think about why I get like this my whole life, why, why I get like this, um, I don't think I ever would have pinpointed it.

And I'm hoping now that I've kind of thought about it and realized where it stems from, I could work it out. I could talk to somebody about it and hopefully work on that. So make sure you take that time for yourself to ask yourself, like, where is this coming from? Instead of just, Thinking to yourself, this is unhealthy or I have to change this or whatever, you know, ask yourself enough questions to finally get the answer that you need to make a difference in your life to finally get the answer that you need to make a change.

And, uh, I just, I just said, where do you think this is coming from? You know, is there anything that you're not dealing with? Have you ever lost a dog? And I'm like, Oh my gosh, you know, I did, I did, you know, I was 10 years old and he, he just never came back. And it has always just. You know, I've, I've dug it so deep, like it never happened.

I, like I said, I've, I really don't think I've told this story ever. So, uh, yeah, it was awful, man. And I'm glad, I'm glad that I thought of it because I, I'm, I can re at least now I know where it comes from and this is where the work starts, right? You're knowing where it stems from. So take that time for yourself, especially if you're having an off day, don't just deal with it.

You know, don't, I'm just having a bad day. Maybe ask yourself some questions to get you out of it. All right, guys. I love you. Thanks for listening. Take care.
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